it's all happening now

"Remember the moment you realized your life was happening? That actually, your life was the things you were doing every day and the things you were thinking and feeling and all of it wasn't some preamble to your actual life? The moment that hits is like a punch to the gut. It's like ripping the mask off reality."
-How to Live in the Present Without Annoying Yourself by Haley Nahman

I read this in a post on Man Repeller yesterday, and it hit me SO. HARD. All the "live in the present" stuff has never really reached me before, I'm not sure why. I get it when it's a moment like a concert you know you want to remember and be part of because you know the rest of your life doesn't shine as bright as that moment. But when it's all the everyday stuff like going to school and going to cross country practice and taking a shower and eating dinner, it's kind of just, "Eh? This is what I did yesterday, and I'll do it tomorrow and next week and next month." It doesn't feel special. It doesn't feel like something you need to be "in the moment" for because that's when it's so easy to coast on autopilot.

That feeling also has to do with the fact that so many of these things aren't necessarily actions I'm choosing for myself. It all just feels like it's leading up to what's next. I've always been so adamant about what I want to do-- go to Columbia so I can move to New York City and write for a major magazine-- and how I want to get there.

Now I'm at the terrifying and exciting point where I'm actually applying for all of this to happen. And it's not distant; it's next year.

So I'm in this track of mind where it's like everything I do is completely for that. All of the work in school and on the ACT is for colleges, and writing for the newspaper and keeping this blog is so I'll be prepared for the magazine world. It's not like I don't love these things, minus the ACT, but when I examine it, it feels like it's all ultimately to benefit the Future.

I'm not even sure if that's good or bad. But I'm almost never fully present. I'm always looking forward, and it's becoming even more difficult because everything I'm looking forward to is SO CLOSE. I need to acknowledge how real and present all of this is because I only have one more year of high school, one more year in Fayetteville, one more year with my friends, one more year with my life the way it is now because no matter where I go everything is going to change. And honestly I'm so happy with where I am right now. I'm ready to absorb the morning drives to school and the trips to Braums for ice cream and the way I see a friend every time I go to a coffee shop while it's my life.

much love,

claire

outfitsandobservations@gmail.com

right now

This summer sped by, and I was at a 6 week program without computers so I didn't make any blog progress, but I'm full of ideas now. I'm planning on committing to the changes I announced in my last post and only posting content that feels completely authentic. Additionally, I'm not using @outfitsandobservations on Instagram anymore, so if you want blog updates or to see what's going on in my life, follow @coffee.claire !

I want to put a spotlight on some of the little things I'm loving at the moment. Here are some items that make my world seem more special. I hope you enjoy them and comment some of your favorites. Also, no books on here because I'm planning a separate, books-only post for soon!

Eliza Starting
This podcast is done by a 17 year old girl named Eliza who lives on the Upper East Side. She's the cutest and talks about all of the things she loves, her favorite parts of the city, and what it's like to be a teenager today-- how it's more complicated than older generations give us credit for-- in ten minute weekly episodes. She's extremely articulate and smart without seeming pretentious. It's cool to listen to her talk about things I can directly relate to, like the college process and how much she loves BORNS.

Gossip Girl
Not to be on an Upper East Side streak, but this is another one of my loves lately. I watched it all freshman year and was completely obsessed, and now I'm rewatching it and loving it all the same. I'm not typically a dramatic tv girl, but all of the characters and the craziness they create are impossible to look away from. I'm currently on season 5 and fully immersed in the lives of Serena and Blair.

Depression Cherry
Beach House's 2015 album has been getting me lately. Listening to it feels like some combination of a dream and a low budget movie. It's the perfect album to write or read or drive to, and it flows together perfectly.

Tusk
It's my favorite Fleetwood Mac album and has been on my record player consistently for the past year. "Storms" is one of the most beautiful and emotionally strong and dear-to-my-heart songs of all time. Tusk is potentially the purest example of the band's stunningly crafted lyrics. It also houses "Sara," "What Makes You Think You're The One," "Angel," and all the rest. Listen to it all the way through!

Tarte's Liquid Eyeliner
I've been using the "lights, camera, lashes" precision longwear liquid eyeliner, and I'm so impressed by it. The felt tip pen allows for such a smooth line, and it stays the entire day. My favorite makeup is winged liner, so this has been a huge help with that.

21c's Pop Stars Exhibit
When I visited 21c in early June I was completely unprepared for this exhibit. There's a piece that took Britney's "Baby One More Time" and gave light to how elegant, how emotional, how raw those lyrics are. There's focus on the beauty of a pop song and how it can be a catalyst to fame. There's a mirror with Paris Hilton carved/ marked into it via thousands of words said and written about her by friends, tabloids, herself. There's an image of Lady Gaga as a Renaissance-esque beauty. The whole collection is fabulous, and I'm not sure how much longer it will be on display.

much love,

claire

outfitsandobservations@gmail.com

changes

Lately I've been going through the archives of style rookie, and Tavi's feelings and aesthetic obsessions are so present in those posts, they're leaking out of her. It's truly her diary, and it's incredible and pure. There are so many mood boards of stills from Sophia Coppola films, references to favorite albums, couture pieces that floor her, this whole stream of consciousness that's so unique to this time in adolescence.

I've also been devouring Kate Zambreno's Heroine, in which she draws a stunning portrait of the wives of modernism and other influential women writers who are so often used as muses and dismissed as real artists. She examines the female writer and the way she's perceived-- as emotional and impulsive and of less literary merit in most cases. She empowers this feminine experience, screams for young girls to begin sharing their voice in whatever way they choose, however raw, it has value.

"A diary as a way for girls to be kept safe, to feel free to write her emotions and nascent ideas without being disciplined. This is often the mode that allows her to come to writing-- perhaps this is why it's so widely decided as not literary or seen as raw material. Yet the diary is part of the girl's process-- a way to do the work." Kate Zambreno in Heroines

That being said, I've been embracing this diary style of writing. It's not new for me; in a way I'm reclaiming my preferred method of writing-- expressive, rambling, the unashamed portrayal of self. I feel most comfortable with this style and like it's the best work I produce. But often it's been things I'm afraid to share so they remain in my journal-- or worse, as bits of inspiration or repeated in my head until they're forgotten.

Even though I've made a conscious effort to portray myself, I feel like the me on this blog is so suppressed, so contrived, even though I'm the one in charge of it. I do love the things I write about, but I feel like I'm more concerned with displaying these things rather than depicting their importance with my writing. I'm not displaying my authentic self, my authentic passion. I'm not satisfied with a lot of my words on this blog because I feel like so much of it doesn't actually mean anything. And also, I've changed and evolved a lot as a person even in the past 18 months of this blog, but I feel trapped by the structure that I began with.

I'm going to start sharing these things that I was scared to post before. I don't have to be polished because I'm not polished. I've been so afraid this past year because I used to think I had this crystal-clear idea of where I was going, and then I realized I have no idea. That ambiguous fear has distracted me from exploring all of these things that I'm truly passionate about. There's so much potential if I explore these things, so that's going to be a main part of this blog. Expect things to be more personal, to have that diary-esque feel, more mood boards!

I want to sort of redesign the way I view and treat the whole blogging process this summer. It's probably going to be messy, but that's the point. I'm seventeen, and I've had a fashion blog since I was fourteen, and now I want things to be different.

much love as always,
claire

may playlist

Today marks the middle of the AP testing craze, and everything seems to be happening at once. Recently there's been AP testing, the end of the school year approaching, the state track meet, two proms, Dallas for my cousin's wedding, the Arkansas Scholastic Press Association Conference, and a million other things.

I've felt my best in months because of spring taking over and all of this going on, but I'm so ready for summer and unstructured days. Here are some songs for anticipating those times:

Juicy by Radiation City (the band I saw in Portland! check them out!)

10,000 Emerald Pools by Borns (ready to see them with the Lumineers in October!)

Space Song by Beach House (if you want to feel like you're in a dream)

Turn to Sand by Musique Le Pop (for dancing in the car on a bright day)

Neighborhood #4 (7 Kettles) by Arcade Fire

Flesh Without Blood by Grimes (completely obsessed with this song as of late)

Cool Party by Mal Blum (really digging this song, sometimes it makes me cry a lil tho)

No Love Like Yours by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes (their new album is so dynamic & cool)

Lovers in the Parking Lot by Solange (a true anthem)

Swingin Party by the Replacements (so summery, I love Lorde's cover as well)

it's not legible due to my excitement, but I won runner up for Newspaper Writer of the Year at Arkansas' High School Journalism convention!

current inspiration via the pages of Teen Vogue and Nylon

when in Dallas, I got to meet up with the lovely Jen of Modern Ensemble. she was so sweet & gave me a ton of tips on blogging

prom #1 with my pretty cell group girls

Braums means so much to me

this book has been taking over my life lately; it's about the wives of modernism & their genius that was so often dismissed 

sunny days call for iced lattes at the new Arsagas

the best parts of track meets are taking pictures of it

Fayetteville is so magical!

prom #2 (to see more)

much love,
claire
outfitsandobservations@gmail.com
@outfitsandobservations on instagram

prom 2016

Nordstrom dress, choker and booties via Masons

Prom includes spending hours getting glam, dancing like crazy in a dream dress, and staying up until 3 am laughing with friends, so I’m a definite fan. The concept of prom as a whole is pretty overhyped, but getting down to Gold Digger with my friends in pretty clothes is never going to get old. 

Here’s a photo diary that begins with our bare faces and pajamas and ends with Beautiful Young Ladies, all captured by the lovely Ana Estrada.

We spent Saturday afternoon alternating between doing each others hair and makeup and having dance parties to Britney Spears’ Greatest Hits (when I was in charge of the music). It rained in the morning, but by noon the sun was shining. Helen’s solarium gave us the most perfect natural lighting and the illusion that we were spending time outdoors.

 

For my makeup look, I did dramatic liner and emphasized my brows. Laurel gifted us all with access to her makeup collection and did my contour. Ana helped take my sloppy daily hairstyle to a more glam level with loose curls and a more structured mini bun.

I found my dress at the Nordstrom in Portland over Spring Break and had been daydreaming about wearing it ever since. It’s simple but has just the right amount of detail to add some edge. The slit and the low neckline were pretty daring for me, and I felt so good in that dress! I wore my absolute favorite little black booties for some height and left my Birth of Venus art socks peeking out. Since there’s all the neckline drama going on, I kept jewelry simple with a gold choker that I’ll probably be wearing all summer. 

Everybody’s look ended up flawless! It makes me smile so big to see everyone so pretty, especially since we’re all in school uniforms half the time. 

matched most with Gaby <3

stunning, floral Ana

Laurel is a real life princess

I want to be Helen when I grow up

my very best pal Georgia and her dress from Ireland

beautiful best friends!

love,
claire
outfitsandobservations@gmail.com

Portland part two

In my last post, I wrote about the first half of my Spring Break trip to Portland, so I couldn't leave you guys hanging on the second half! It was equally wonderful and full of distinctly Portland-y adventures.

On Saturday morning we ventured out to the Portland Saturday Market, a sprawling group of vendors selling various handmade items. We also stopped for the famous Voodoo Donuts because that seemed to be everybody's number one recommendation for the trip. I certainly wasn't disappointed, though I was shocked when a homeless man mooned us during our breakfast. I was informed that's not a typical part of the experience. The sun was shining that day so we soaked it in and walked down the river front.

Sunday was my favorite day by far! It began with a visit to the Portland Art Museum, which had a captivating modern art showcase and a few Monets and Van Goghs, which you guys know I'm a fan of. There was also an incredible exhibit called Ride, focusing on Paige Powell's photography and life/ culture in the Andy Warhol era. Then I met up with Allison and Marian (my fantastic cowriter at ZCM) and they took me on a full day of surprise adventures! I got to try out an authentic Mexican food truck, play around at a nickel arcade, and eat at their favorite diner with the BEST milkshakes. We ended the night with watching Stuck in Love, one of my all time favorite movies, projected onto Allison's wall.

Now that I'm writing about Monday, I'm not sure which day was my actual favorite. After we woke up we headed downtown to have breakfast and coffee at Case Study. I finally got a taste of "real" Portland weather (drizzly rain). We decided to see Radiation City's show at Skype Live Lounge, and I fell in love with them during their quick set. Please check them out because they have wonderful music and phenomenal passion. It was only two and all of this had happened, but then we went to a MAGAZINE STORE! There were rows and rows of titles I'd never even seen before, pure bliss. Because of the rain, we finished off the day with some shopping, and I found my prom dress at Nordstrom! I mentioned last post that the first day of the trip was one of my best "first days of vacation," and this was also one of my best last days of vacation.

We had to fly out early Tuesday morning, but I had a perfect vacation to reminisce on and edit pictures from. In that short time I fell in love with Portland, and I can absolutely see myself there in the future.

much love,
claire
outfitsandobservations@gmail.com